How Sadie Died...

For those of you who don't know, my car's name is Sexy Sadie after the Beatles' song. So it all started last year. My "check engine" light came on about a year an a half ago. I delayed a bit getting it fixed because it was still running and I needed a car. I finally took it to the shop in this past October. I spent $800 to get her fixed. The mechanic fixed everything except whatever was causing my "check engine" light to be on. I kept driving her with the check engine light on until I could get some money (and time) to fix her for good. The funny thing is that I had Wednesday set aside solely to get Sadie fixed. I was on my way to work, sound engineer at the Glendale Center Theater for opening night of Oklahoma. I was about two exits from where I needed to get off. I heard a loud "bang!" sound and all of the sudden all the lights started flickering on my dashboard. I started to slow down and pull off to the side when a man in a truck pulled next to me and mouthed to me "You're on fire!" That's when I knew that I was pretty much screwed. I quickly pulled over (Thank God that no one was near me on the freeway), turned off the car, grabbed anything somewhat important, and backed away from her. I stood by and watched as my beloved Sadie burned to ground in a blaze of glory. Two guys happened to pull over to see if everything was ok and after the fire trucks had gone and my charred car was towed, they gave me a ride to work. After all, the show must go on, right? I made it with 10 minutes to spare before we opened....talk about dedication right? Anyways, to answer your questions, I am 100% alright. No bodily damage to me and no emotional damage either, well except that I am a bit sad over losing such a good car. Other than that, I'm doing fine. If you or anyone you know has a car that they are selling, that is in good working order and not too expensive...let me know....I'm looking for a new one... Thank you all for your concerns....they mean the world to me. -casey jack-

Miserable at Best

Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared 
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making nice
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say 
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making nice
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say 
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh 

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making nice
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say 
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but 
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best 

Theme song of the day....

so I'm 22 now...

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday.  I didn't do anything crazy, I didn't go anywhere special, I didn't get any spectacular presents and I didn't have that "special someone" to share it with.  And the weirdest thing out of all of those is that I'm ok with them.  I'm fine not doing anything crazy, I'm fine not going out to eat at a crazy expensive restaurant or having that special someone.  I shared my birthday with good friends, staying up until 2 in the morning laughing about the stupidest things we could think of and it was amazing.  

I really have no idea why I'm writing right now....oh wait....it's because I'm deathly bored and I need to do something.  

I'm going to be moving soon.  Dan and Andy have decided to move to a place in Burbank or somewhere over there so that they can be closer to work and such.  This actually was timed better than expected because the guys in Theoria have been thinking about getting a place together so that we can have a place to live and practice that isn't ridiculously far away from all of us.  I'm very excited for the move because 1. it means we don't have to drive to Rancho Cucamonga to practice, 2. I'll be living with my best friends, 3. That will really make touring a lot easier because we'll be used to spending all that time together.  Overall, I'm excited to have the "Theoria House," there's not going to be a boring time at all and it should hopefully be very productive in the song writing department.

Welp....I have now become bored of writing this blog....thank you ADD....you make it increasingly hard to get anything accomplished....

2009 is a good year so far...

OK so right now I'm sitting in the studio with Theoria recording three of our newest songs.  Our engineer, Saki, is the engineer who recorded all of Five Iron Frenzy's stuff, a lot of stuff for Tooth and Nail, the W's from when they were around and Switchfoot, among a vast list of names.  We are in day 2 of 3 for the weekend and things are going quite swimmingly.  We have bass and drums recorded for all 3 songs and right now we're working on rhythm guitar for them.  It's such an amazing experience to be working with someone as talented and as professional as Saki.  The songs are going to sound amazing.

Monday I will be heading to Long Beach to shoot a movie.  I'm going to be in Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 as a bass player in one of the bands.  Talk about amazing! I received an email about an open casting call for people in this program I'm in called Grammy U.  I sent in a video of myself "fake" playing bass and they liked me enough to put me in!  So come Christmas time you should all go see Alvin and the Chipmunks 2, if only for the fake to see me as a high school student playing bass! 

Other than that life is good.  Classes are good, work is good...life is just good! I'll keep everyone updated on movie things and such...otherwise...peace!

-casey jack-

Ramblings at 2 AM

Maybe it's because it's late and I'm tired, maybe it's because they put a little bit too much rum in my rum and coke at BJ's...but my mind is a whirl right now.  My heart is full of emotions it's never felt before.  I've never had to deal with loneliness and rejection before.  I've always been with someone or had someone who's cared for me and who is there to talk to me when I really need it.  

I'm now at a point in my life to where I really don't have anyone.  And I'm not asking you to be a someone.  I don't just let people in.  I am an open book, to an extent.  "Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating," good quote, amazing movie.  But when it comes down to the nitty gritty, the things that make me truly me, I rarely talk about those things to anyone.  My struggles, my hardships, my scars, they all pretty much stay locked up unless I feel I can really trust you.  But it's gotten to the point to where I don't trust anyone that much.  Everyone who I once trusted is abandoning me.  I can no longer confide in friends who I've been able to confide in.  

Loneliness and I have never been friends.  We've never spent enough time together to really get to know each other.  I'm sure he likes me though...but I'm not quite sure how I feel about him.  He feeds off my emotional turmoil, I swirl out of control in a whirlwind of sadness, contempt and trepidation...not exactly a balanced relationship.  

I'm trying to listen and learn to what God wants for me right now.  Patience, a dependence on Him, a revelation that I don't need a relationship to be happy, whatever it might be, I want to be receptive towards it.  I don't want to ignore it and suffer through the pain for the fun of it.  I hate this part though....when you ask God to break you, you often times don't mean it.  But a lot of the time God knows exactly how you need to be broken and he doesn't care if you think you're ready or not because the truth of the matter is, you're never going to think you're ready.

A broken soul, a broken heart, a broken vessel I am.  I am not a quitter though.  I will not give up every time my chest threatens to explode and the sweat drips from my face.  No, I will not quit because my whole body becomes inflamed in a torrent of worthlessness and abandonment.  I will fight this war raging on the inside of my head and heart, and I will arise victorious.  

Inevitable

I started writing this way back in October of last year.  It was a way to vent my emotions in a creative channel.  This might be completely stupid, or it might actually turn into something.  Regardless, here is the prologue to the book I'm attempting to write.  Let me know what you think.

Inevitable

By Casey Jack

Prologue, November 30^th, 2015

You know that sinking feeling in your stomach, the feeling that the inevitable is eating the walls of your insides one inch at a time?  This feeling is my friend.  We know each other very well and have been spending a lot of time together lately.  He knows what makes me happy and he knows what makes me utterly depressed.  He seems to feed on the latter.  He makes it apparent to me, that I know nothing.  He makes it known that I cannot control where life takes me. 

When the person you love is separated by land and sea, the world seems to simply travel by you.  You don’t move an inch but all around you miles upon miles of life have passed you by.   This leads us to the question then: what is the inevitable?  The inevitable is this: I will never be with the one I love.

“If you have something to say, say it now.”  Those were the last words Adah spoke to me.  I love you! I always have! Since the first day I saw you smile I’ve loved you.  There hasn’t been a single day since we met that I haven’t thought of you.  You are my past, present and future, I need you like the moon needs the night.  You are my snowflake on Christmas morning.  “No, I have nothing else to say,” was my reply. 

It’s been almost six months now since that day.  Nothing has changed for me.  Well nothing when it came to Adah.  My heart still longs for her, my body still aches for her.  I can’t go through a single day without thinking of the long nights we’d spent together.  Talking until three in the morning, putting on the same movie we watched more than 100 times.  Then simply falling asleep in each other’s arms.  But that was six months ago.  A lot had changed for me in those six months.

I’ve been living under a bridge in New York now for the past week.  Being a “Gray Matter” wasn’t an easy life.  A Gray Matter, I’ve found out, is a person who is like me, a person who has unlocked, by one way or another, the mental powers that everyone naturally possesses.  It’s said that people only used 10% of their brainpower.  This is not true.  The truth of it is that people use almost 100% of their brainpower; mostly it’s about 96%.  The extra 4% is the part of the brain where these mental powers are found.  Most people who discover they have these telepathic/telekinetic powers merely stumble across them.  Some people spend years trying to unveil these powers. 

I stumbled upon mine when I was 13 years old.  Talk about the coolest discovery ever!  I was a 13 year-old super hero!  It took me about a year to discover all of my powers.  I could move things with my mind, I could sense other people’s minds (although I could never get the hang of actually reading them) and probably the coolest of all, I could teleport.  I never really had any friends so I didn’t have anyone to tell.  I’d seen enough movies and read enough comic books to know, though, that telling people you had a super hero power was the worst idea; you have to keep your identity a secret!  So I did.

Gray Matter was a term coined by a secret division of the United States Government, specifically in the CIA.  The Department of Post Intellectual Regulation and Administration, or the DPIRA, was the branch that dealt with Gray Matters.  The DPIRA did not punish people who had discovered their powers.  They merely limited them, told them how to use their powers.  They would only punish those who did other than they were told.  To my knowledge, there were less than 100 GMs in the country.  We all had different strengths when it came to our powers and I’d only come across one other GM in my life. 

Her name was Nancy Whitmer.  She was 86 years old and was living in a Retirement Community in Miami, Florida.  I met her when I was on vacation with my family the summer before I moved to California.  She had an aptitude in telepathy.  She could read people’s minds like they were children’s books.  She could also tell if there was another GM around or if a DPIRA agent were near.  She could easily block her mind to anyone who tried to enter it.  She found me on a beach near her community and as soon as I saw her, I knew I had found another GM.  She slowly walked over to me, bent down and whispered into my ear, “If you love her, let her go.  She’ll never be happy, especially with someone as talented as you.”  And with that she walked off into the sunset.  I never knew what she was talking about, up until six months ago.

So now I was sitting, under a bridge, in the middle of the night, with nothing but a trash can fire to keep me company.  The DPIRA had told me that I could only use my powers in private; no one could find out that I had powers...no one.  That was their one rule for me.  I was on the run now because I had broken that one rule.  I had broken that one rule to protect the one person I loved.  That person now hated me.

A Great Love Song...

Train Wreck 

by A Rotterdam November (www.myspace.com/arotterdamnovember) 

I could never promise I won't let you down. 

I won't give my word, you won't get hurt. 

But, look at the stars, they don't always shine so bright. 

They're above us now, they're above us night after night. 

Look at my hands now. They look so empty without yours. 

Emotions are footprints in the rain, but my heart pounds like a...  

Chorus:  

Train wreck, the subway's on fire. 

I'll do my best to save what I save. 

Smoke or ash, we're never looking back. 

As strong as I can, I'll stay on the track.  

Verse 2:  

I don't always convey exactly the right words. 

Sometimes, my tongue is sharp and I yield it like a sword. 

But, do you see the waves? Crashing relentlessly on the shore. 

Carving stone and rock without retreat in a campaign of war. 

Consider my eyes now, bluer than this persistent army. 

Emotions are footprints in the rain, but my heart pounds like a...  

Chorus  

Bridge:  

I'm coming, for you, I swear it's true, I'll let it stand like a monument.  

Think of me, when you see it. This train, will be on time. 

The engine is empty, but who needs coal? Trust me, I can't be everything.  

I'll be here, pounding like a..  

Chorus  

I love this song because it's so real. It's not promising that every thing is going to be perfect and that there won't be any problems. It's saying that I'm a train wreck. Destroyed and battered and on fire but still on the track. Doing every thing in my power to stay on track, stay focused on the goal of loving unconditionally. I dunno....just a great all around song from an amazing band. 

-casey jack-